They Dont Have To Know…. Its not done but since you read my last little random thought slash Bitch fest, I owe it to you

Fast forward into time and we find a young Man, Broken to his core at the foot of his bed. The question plays quietly in the room like a whisper…. “How do you recover after you’ve been broken beyond your foundation, and then still shattered to more pieces. It was the sound of the phone that triggered the thought, which would lead him to the truth. Because through all of the troubles and all of the tribulations, he loved her, and nothing would stop him from getting through this rough patch with the only woman he ever loved. So with the idea that she was out with the girls, he went to go get a room at the nicest hotel he could find, so that the two of them could get away of everyone and everything, and rediscover the sanctuary that they once found in each others arms. Take a second to step away from this visual, and bounce a little into the past, just a splinter…. He’s in the Honeymoon suite a King Sized bed is covered in pink roses (her favorite) and in the background, Luther Vandross and Billie Holladay croon softly through the speakers, the scent that surrounds the room is the sweet aroma of her favorite Vanilla scented candles. The room is set up perfectly for them.

Make sure you check out condron.us

Dry Dick Stan

With no relationship to mask the truth, I sit Idly by
No sex in my life so to on lookers im kind of dry
But without the risk of a relationship, or a buddy to grasp
I just have no plans to be running through random ass (No Homo)
So yeah its been a while, I’ve had no sex I cant even lie
but I’d rather keep this drie dick, no need to fuck everything that catches my eye
I cant look at myself in the mirror knowing I’ve been thorugh every girl
so instead I sit, while you run through chics, finding all sorts of kool infections for your dick
so while the STD’s and the pregnancies pile up on your doctors note, my dick stay’s dry
No stress no lie’s no sex no love for me.
But how do you look your love in the eye with no cause of regret without your soul screaming to scratch the surface
Your doing her wrong and your doing them all, piping pussy staying wet, but your concious you seem to forget
So when you laugh at my dry dick, and you recite that name remember I choose to be a man and not go off of my basic instincts…..

Dry Dick Stan… and Proud to be that way

What More Can I Say

what can I say, nothing makes more sense nothing else seems clear, fuzzy blurry, funny, serious all at once, queezy, nervous, calm relaxed, at ease, ready for action, happy excstatic, frantic, and through all there are still no way to put it into words. No way to show with my lips, cant send telepathic messages with my heart, too many feelings to put down on paper, or even to pen in a poem, beyond goosebumps and well above just physical attraction, but how do I tell you all of this when there is no way to explain, the glimmer of my eyes cant even begin to tell the story of my heart, there are no words, no movements no kisses so you can never know just how strong this feels. but it does.

Sucker For Love

Hungry for the touch, weakened by her voice.
I’m infatuated I have no choice.
With everyone that passes me by
the feelings stir I cant deny
The icy hot it burns s deep my restraint is nill
my heart just pure, but to touch your lips
everything I will endure. Irresistible for all that you do
its inevitable I’m a sucker for you.

I am a slave to those soft eyes, the tender lips, the velvet touch and inviting hips
That glowing smile where your secrets lies. To only have a piece of you would be a crime
My every movement inspired by your, controlled by the honey coated goodness when I become drunk from your sweetness. Theres no way you could ever expect me to pick just one.
Like a fool I fall in love with you all, one choice just dosent seem enough. As I become attatched to every tender aroma of sweetness that passes me.

I’m a sucker for love, your sweet passionate love
So stingy for your heart wanting every drop of you
Nothing to much to ask to feel your blossoming love.
It leaves me drunk with passion, never quite a quenched thirst.

Your ever so smooth core untainted coco brown texture pearl like skin delicate but unbreakable, no one can help me escape the way that I yearn for you. I’m stingy and stuck off the drink from your lips, when your moans shake the earth and your passion drips. Caribbean fire with love purer than Jamaicans sea, I’m a sucker for love without you I’m completely incomplete.

I’m a sucker for love currently wanting you. your smile sticking to me it follows me wherever I go.
your sunlight sparks fill me with energy. Rose petals for a soul tender but strong.
Blossoming on your own, but in my eyes I’m where you belong.
I’m green with envy for your love cant bare to share you with another soul.
I’m a sucker for love with you I can be whole.

I’m still a sucker for love, and even more I miss your touch. I never had it in the first place
but still lay prone to the thought. your power en captivates me your presence feels my soul.
Soft kisses lay within your warriors soul. The curves of your body foll those who dont know, because under those honey cream pumps a fighter resides in you. With eyes that tease and a heart that loves, I loved you before I knew you and want you with all you come with.

There are so many more that I have yet to mention.
One stands out above all she embodies what I want,
but through my passion for you all, I know there lies the perfect one
I capture hearts and become held prisoner and in way’s its just the way that I am
but until she comes my way, a sucker for love is what I’ll stay

Erased

For all of the days, hours minutes, seconds that I spent thinking about you
I will spend a splinter of a moment to eliminate them from my mind
Love is a beautiful thing until the perversions of life strip it of its innocence and your left wondering what happened.
Ten million thoughts ten thousand memories, kisses that never happened and towel thrown in to signal that I’ve quit on this, whatever it may be, because it is clear you don’t deserve my memories.
Yet with repulsion I am yet forced to hold in thoughts that once were true to me, but truth to speak and truth to see, the feelings came from only me.
Its funny just how fast we fall, by the time my heart hit concrete I realized I was never high, I just tripped over your mental fantasy.
Just then you got the best of me, I’ve sobered up I’ll press delete erase you from my memories, the smiles are just a distant dream, I forget you even as I speak, …. Done

Unbreakable

Its easy to sit back and feel sorry for yourself,
drowing in what you feel should be the sorrows of your pains,
but your built from a different mold and for this your reactions differ from those who cant handle.
I’m to Brawlic for this, so I crash right through the defeat, I walk through a valley of pain and wont cry out for you to see.
These Shoulders are built for the long haul, get ready for the second wave, I’m to strong for you youngings, Through any storm I’ll Maintain>
You Cant Beat me I can Only Beat myself…..

My Retrospect For Life: Inspired by the Common song “Retrospect for life”

 Sometimes we forget who we are in the Misdt of controversy, I had all faults in this but I wanted no part

 But now I look in the mirror and I cant help but ask myself, your a son a father and a killer, stopped it before it took its first and last breath.

I cant explain the pain that I feel, and no one can ever understand. I was so unprepaired I wasnt ready to be a man.

So instead of standing up to the fate that I built with my own blood I destroyed a life that never did wrong, a sin I cant wash off.

You didnt ask to come to this world, you made no demands to be created, and the thing that I help make is the same thing I hated.

When the sex was intense I was so quick to embrace for an unprotected love that that we so irresponsibly made.

But you were brave and you were strong, I cant possibly lie, I left you alone, I was so weak, it amazes me that we still speak.

you carried this life inside of you while I tried to run as far away from the truth, and when I denied what was real you still held faith in me.

Your that beautiful black women that I always heard about, and I apologize I never gave you an option so you did what you had to and took that life

But I never told you about all those nights I cried, I’m not ready to settle down, I cant be a father to a child.

I cant give up my own selfish wants to raise another life that I made, I dont want to be called daddy, I’m not ready to act my age.

From fear of responsibility the decision at the time just seemed so clear to me, so instead of being the father that mines was to me.

I paid the price to pull the plug and stop that precious heart beat. I cheated you of all the things that I want to keep so bad

and because I wasnt ready to be a dad, I cry overa life you never had. the opportunity for love is gone for you, your first kiss will never exist.

I cant teach you how to ride a bike, I’ll never wipe away your tears. And through the years as I grow older my memories may disapear.

The fact remains that I failed you before you ever took a breath, and before you ever were a thought, I found a way to condem you to death.

I cant take back the mistakes I made, but I can promise you from today, If I create another life, I’ll be true to my responsibility.

You’ll have both your mom and dad, a home to rest your head at, no disfunction in the future I’m working to provide you the best.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmDybzfNBG0

War With God

Please Take note that the words in qoutes/ underlines are gods words, and when I am the speaking to god directly my words are the Italicized words …That is all.

Reality slipping away, existence coming to an end. The eyes grow heavier, the limbs drag lifelessly; no thought or breath of life evident. Hollow, empty gaping, incomplete. My desolate interior engulfs me.

Buried here but no one left to feel, drifting, breezing, floating, gone; and just as I am to dissapear I awake to a voice which belongs to no physical form or face.

No words or expressions show my fear, its coated in hatred confusion and love. So I stand paralyzed with no words to say, until this faceless voice begins to speak.

Welcome son, you are almost home.
I am your father and I have waited so long
For the day we could finally meet
In the kingdom of heaven where you can be
No more pain, no more fear, no more hate
No more death, all is perfect in this world
that I your god has created.
You my son can join me but first please tell me how
you have lived your life in a way that is
Worthy of this crown”

Despite his decleration I can feel my anger rising,
why should I prove myself, when you created my life?
You lt me sit and hate myself, you made me grow up in the hood. I wasnt committing sins, I was doing what I could. You put those nigga’s on the block, you watched as my dad struggled, I tried to be good but you let the evil follow.

How dare you question me I worked with what you gave me. Now you ask for perfection in a life pre tainted.

But before my rant could continue he had a reply

“My Son you have grown stronger
From all thats happened in your life
But for all of your setbacks you have
Done so wrong.
You have broken hearts, wished against the unborn
You have cursed my name, lusted beyond belief
Betrayed the trust of many ungrateful for the small things.
You see no wrong in your life, but are so quick to judge
Letting emotion over power anything including love
Your rage overcomes you, to prideful for the truth
Obsessed with your own glory, with permiscous ambition
Heart scattering from female to female, running from commitment.
I have opened many doors, and you chose to blow past them
Forgave you when you messed up and never held it against you.
I have done more than you will ever know and still I do tenfold more
for you”

This god is judging me again but I cant sit and accept, that you put us in a world where the end result is death, you watch children die everyday with ease, innocent victims murdered and raped in this place.
No cure for aids, heart break and bad credit continue to dominate. The rich stacks money while my father drowns in debt. So many pained cries for your help left on death ears without a response.
Where is this love that you speak of while all of this is going on.

I havent been perfect I have a laundry list of failures, but I strive for my best, even when my worst was my greatest. I love hard with the habit of spreading my appetite, but I would rather die then live a life where for who I love I didnt fight.

If all power is in you what is the point of pain, what is the purpose of life, is this just your own sick game?

You demand love, but I demand answers if you birthed me in this earth what is the ultimate answer.

“My Son I know your pain, I understand your frustrations
Your questions will be answered, just not today, But Do
Know the truth that I tell to you. For every tear that falls from you
Falls from me to.
I share your pains they burn so deep, my eyes sting of your tears they fall from my cheek
I shudder with a cold chill for every life that expires,
My insides are torn to peices with the experience of rape,
while my body dies slowly every day from Aids.
We are linked, I am with you even when you dont know it.
And when the pain becomes to much I will gladly carry the load.
The ultimate answer that you seek will not be realized today,
But in time all mist must clear for a truthful day.
Lay down your weapons there is so much great in you
Hold my love and with it can be the solution you see the problems to”

The Miseducation Of The Man

A long time ago, and some time ago I was told to be a man you had to do certain things. But lately I have seen a contradiction from what my father has said to me… I call this the Miseducation of the Man See if you can keep up..

While I strive to become something beyond what my father ever imagined, I continue to try to build on whatever I already am. Because in my heart of hearts, I cant just be stanley, I struggle with the hopes of being remembered as a great man. With the honor that ones envy while keeping a humble soul that inspires love, with my father guidance, I want to be a man that the world can be proud of.

So curse real loud, and I sag my pants, following paths that dont always lead me to the future that benefits a soul……

And through the pressure of my peers I let go of my own beliefs and cave into what others think is the common norm

Why get a job, and strive to be something when one can slumber in the depths of his own failure. To be a man is to be different and the obvious goal is to just fit in.

I grew up in one of the roughest parts of Brooklyn and have shared the streets with men who have taken lives, getting the opportunity to dissect their thoughts.

And with their heart of hearts, the life they live is not the one they wanted when they were growing up, but the easy way out is not always the easy street that we see, but we cant face our fears and we dance on easy street, then when our love ones need us to stand we cant because our spines are meek, crubmling at the first pulsing pull of pressure.

I am a man, so I slide inside the velvety walls of your confines, stroking my way to my peak. This makes me a man and while you scream my name I take this intimacy as a victory

I am so big and strong and nothing matters at all so with a condom I entered who cares about reprecussions.

And when you approach me with that disturbed look in your eye, my shattered soul begins to cry because in the canal where my heart once laid I know you are with child.

But child you might be I cant face up to what I’ve done, but I can run because my fear is what I embrace.

I’m a man not from how I stand up to the pressure, but from the amount of baby mothers I can escape.

Fuck the son fuck the mothers and the daughters, Im no father Im no brother, I strive for the satisfaction of my own climax.

Make me a man be one of my own I cant stand for you alone because your growth will not benefit a thing for my soul.

But why do I do this………

I was born with the ability to facilitate life, with the strong shoulders so that my mother sister daughter, friend could shed her tears, but if I take on this role, the weight of the world may weaken me.

As a leader I stand alone, ready for chastise from all angels, To stand for my word is a pressure that folds me before I ever create a thought. The Idea of being a man is one that is more Convenient than the actual intent to live out what it means…..

I cant love another more than I can ever love me. The dedication, motivation and stamina it takes to help another soul, could destroy my personal joys as a heartbreak no matter how good is always inevitable.

I dont fear to be happy I fear the chances of complete failure, so to hide from what I am is the way that I can escape.

No father in my life, so why should I bother to love my child, through this tough world controversy is how we should all strive.

What I know…..

I cant define if I’m a man but my heart tells me what a man should be, I look at my father and he show’s me what a man is, than I look at those that I love and do everything to be the man they need me to be.

A man loves his friends and family giving them everything he can, Failure may be possible but through the toughest of times he’s unflappable.

But in the deepest heart of any man, fear is always the obstacle, for as I write this out to you, I fear it has not got to you, and I fret even more that I can not be the man that I ought to be…..

Without the chance of perfection I sometimes wallow in my imperfections but my passion for my life gives me the strength to continue my fight….. And through my fathers eyes I see a path and a future so bright.

A Man is In my Eyes

A man is the protector of all that is right, fear not what you cant do but fight for what is the truth

A man is the backbone of those who cant always stand for themselves… your battles mean nothing if you cant save another soul

A man is the outcast he at times stands alone with his words, but it is this audacity that establishes him as what he has to be

A man has the patience of a thousand lives, but the knowledge to react without a thought, A man is what you want it to be but in all he is honorable…..

My Thanks

I thank my father you have shown me the light and for my years alive I hope I can be what you are… Your strenght and your poise, your love and your pride has made me not afraid of others or even of my own light…..

And when I have a child I will raise him/her with pride I will raise my son into a man, or my daughter into a queen, My father didnt raise no fool he helped to build me….

And to the other Men in My life who have helped with this Blueprint… Darren we may not be blood but a second father Is what you are to me….

I strive to be something greater and these two men inspire me, I can never fail, because you two love me inspite of me…. so with your support I’ll call out to the others, I’ve done some good in my life but Now I need to save my brothers

To My brothers, black or white, spanish, asian, yellow, or green…. We need to stand and make a statement one the world has never seen.

Because of us this universe struggles we need to stand up to our test… The Miseducations of the man need to meet their final death.

And to those who love the life who keep this lifestyle and enjoy…. I cry my tears of hurt because yourself you will destroy….

But I can no longer sit back and hear the painful cries of this beaten world, I am a Man and I shall Stand with or without any other one by my side, and I pledge for my god and for the two men who have pushed me…. That I will give all that I have to push the Manhood Back Into The Man

The Puzzle of infatuation

Bubbling from the inside pushing its way up to the core, what factors control the substance in which self control dwells.

Through tainted eyes the vision can be skewed to a point of disbeleif but clearly staking the blink remains the same.

Heat strokes for thoughts pass through the burning flames of mental slavery, but are then doused with the idea of wrong doing.

but through every visual stroke of eye contact the feeling is fortified, sending waves of guilt through the membrame,

How can one blink for she, when just the other he blinked for her, but through the dialated trial of her, the tears never rained a drop of truth.

so as she enters the level of reality, all is krystal clear to the naked truth of ones feelings.