The sound of the alarm is shrieking in your ears, your head and heart pound as you come to realize another day in this hell has begun. You begin to move around in your cell looking for a way to escape, hoping that the guards don’t hear your deep breaths. With the slowest and most careful steps you reach out for the door, and just before you can turn the knob the sirens begin to screech and the search lights are on and flooding the prison floors. Sweat beats down your head as you run at full speed trying to get to the exit before it catches up to you. You pant heavily as sweat slowly drips down your frightened face. You can hear heavy stiletto pumps hitting the pavement as it begins to gain on you. With one final spasm of energy you dive for the door, unfortunately despite your earnest efforts she catches you. You’re stuck, trapped, forever a prisoner to this women run institution called a relationship.
No more coming and going as you please, no more little black book, no more parties, no more football, no more nothing. From now on your days will consist of snuggling shopping, talking about your feelings, and a consistent dosage of lifetime, oxygen, and WE (women’s Entertainment). Gentlemen, if you’re planning on, or have recently gotten into a relationship understand the following. You have just handed over your life to the female whose affections you worked so hard to earn. Now every waking hour of the day belongs to her, as she moves in on your daily schedule, interrogates your friends, dictates what you eat, and wear. While attempting to mold you into the shell man that she finds the most satisfying. To make things worst, the same girls that wouldn’t even look in your direction before are now the same ones who are vying for your affection, Trust me gentlemen, you are getting advice from a man that has never been in a serious relationship, so clearly I know what I’m talking about. When those of us who are single think about relationships, our ideal girlfriend is usually the one who is extremely attractive, intelligent, fun, down to earth, and completely devoted to us. They get their pleasure from making us happy. My Ideal woman is a Megan Good/Keyshia Cole who will feed me my favorite meal (Frosted Flakes) in some thong sexy ass Boy Shorts while I watch Power Ranger Reruns (the originalpower rangers not the crap that their showing now), but unfortunately those girls only exist in my personal video collection. With the concept of a dream girl being nothing much but a sheer fantasy, what is the point of even getting into a relationship? 
As much as I would like to spend this whole article feeling sorry about myself, and trashing relationships, even I have to admit there are some perks in it for us guys. As nauseating as it is at times (well at least it is to me when I’m not one) when in a relationship with the right person, the outcome can be very positive. Believe it or not but girls don’t always try to take over your life, and change who you are. If you’re lucky enough you will find that girl, who likes you for you. Her feelings for you will be more than just the basic physical attraction or in some cases as I have learned her infatuation with your income. Those are the type of girls that you bring home to the parents. When you’re single, there are a lot of lonely Monday through Saturday nights, you can always hang out with the guys, but sometimes you just need a female’s perspective. As fun as it is to hang out with the guys, there will be days when Madden 08 and Call of Duty 3 (or whatever there up to now) with Tyrone and the gang just wont cut it. As much as I love watching Sportcenter, I would give it up for a day to get a little TLC. Sometimes there will be things that Corey and Josh wont understand, like your secret infatuation with the Show “One Tree Hill”, your need for a conversation that does not consist of who lebron James dunked on or how far Jason got in HALO 3. Maybe just maybe you feel like talking about your feelings, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel like explaining to my boy Rich, why I’m so shaken up by a nightmare, or why I would even admit to having one. 
Relationships are weird, especially for us guys, it’s an investment. If I had to compare it to something it would be college. You can be in one for ten years, during the whole time your there, give it your all, and at the end of those ten years you can still leave both the college and the relationship looking for what you got into one to find. Going to college and getting a degree does not guarantee that you will get a job in the career you want and live a successful life, just like being in a relationship does not guarantee that you will be merry, happy, or even be appreciated. Some people that go to college end up dropping out because of academic or financial reasons, and end up owing thousands of dollars in loans, and some people that get into relationships, end up getting their feelings hurt, their heart broken, there pride stripped and there’s souls hollow, but just like college, if you find the right one, you can have a lifetime of happiness.
